Listening Post: Kiss - Ranking

Excluding the solo records, of which there are too many, and also discounting the live records, even though the first one helped put the band on the map, how did Kiss rank up in the Sept-O-meter?


Destroyer: A+ (100)
Rock and Roll All Night: A+ (100)
Kiss: A (96)
Dressed to Kill: A- (93)
Creatures of the Night: B+ (88)
Sonic Boom: B (85)
Hotter Than Hell: B (84)
Revenge: B (84)
Lick it Up: B (83)
Love Gun: B- (81)
Dynasty: C (75)
Unmasked: C (74)
Psycho Circus: C- (70)
Animalize: C- (70)
Hot in the Shade: D (65)
Crazy Nights: D (64)
Asylum: D (63)
Carnival of Souls: D- (61)
Music from The Elder: F (50)

Kiss Average Grade: 74. C is "average". And that's Kiss for you. Not that great, not that bad. Just in between. Certainly those top 2 belong in any rock lover's record shelf but the rest you don't need.

Kissening Post: Ace Frehley - Second Sighting

Ace Frehley - Second Sighting - 1988

So, what did we learn from last year's outing, Ace?
Not much, apparently. But why should he? First off, he's ACE FREHLEY, universally accepted "most talented musician" in the original Kiss quartet.
Secondly, this is 1988, not 1998 or even 2008. Hair metal hadn't been swept away by Nirvana yet and there was no reason to think that it would. The well was no where near dry.
Thirdly, spending 10 years studying at the feet of the master of self-promotion, Gene Simmons, can teach you only one thing, if nothing else: Balls out hubris. If YOU like it, they MUST buy it.
But Ace is no Gene. He believes in the first article as much or more than the other two. So, his hubris is sadly misplaced. He's a fine musician but as an arbiter of pop taste, he's a drunk. The album has all the pitfalls and trappings of the era; processed drums, high pitch testicle squeezing vocals, muddy mix, nonsense songs. It's an excuse to waste people's time and money.
So, Second Sighting is Frehley's Comet part 2. And the first trip wasn't that great to begin with.

Grade: F+
ASide:
BlindSide: Loser in a Fight
DownSide: Time Ain't Running Out, It's Over Now...ugh, there's not enough room to list the badness on this record.

Kissening Post: Vinnie Vincent Invasion - Vinnie Vincent Invasion

Vinnie Vincent Invasion - Vinnie Vincent Invasion - 1986

This album is really all about how fast Vinnie can shred. There are shades of Ratt, VH, you name it, it's all in there.
Ya got your songs about how hard they rock, "Boyz Are Gonna Rock", about how sexfull they are, "Shoot You Full of Love", "Do You Wanna Make Love?", how Whitesnake-y they are , "No Substitute", (a song I kind of enjoy) it's all in there and it's all something you've heard before.
The last track, "Invasion", was designed to loop at the end of a vinyl pressing so it would never end unless you pulled the needle up. On every other recording it's three minutes of this siren sounding monotony. I appreciate the former, the latter makes me want to punch a baby.

This is as generic a late 80s metal album as you'll ever hear, Bereft of subtlety, absent style, lacking song-craft, any one of the tracks could have fallen off a teen-comedy soundtrack. Probably did. This record was made for frustrated, parking lot dwelling, 15 year old zitheads. These people are now 40 and part of the ruling class. Any wonder we're in the shape we are?

Grade D
ASide: Boyz Are Gonna Rock
BlindSide: No Substitute (This is just me, I know it sucks)
DownSide: Animal, Back on the Streets, I Wanna Be Your Victim (Not sure there's ever been a metal track this dull before)

Kissening Post: Ace Frehley - Frehley's Comet

Ace Frehley - Frehley's Comet - 1987

It's been a long time since I visited the Kiss Katalog. I had always intended on getting through the entire thing including solo discs but life gets in the way sometimes.

I had heard forever that Ace's solo output outside of the Kiss Brand offerings were the best of the bunch. Is it true or was it some backlash hype?
Were it not for Ace's guitar songs like "Rock Soldiers" would be relegated to hair metal status quo status. However, with Ace's fingers offsetting his remarkably mediocre voice, the song is a welcome opener that would probably have found itself on the record shelf of every band member of Ratt, Warrant and the like. Except that, instead of leading those upstarts as he had on his solo Kiss record 9 years earlier, Frehley comes off as just another Hair Metal rocker. And he's a little long in the tooth and late to the party to be effective.
On tracks like the dynamic "Breakout", "Something Moved" and "Calling To You", Ace recognizes his weakness and hands over lead vox to Rhythm Guitarist Tod Haworth. This allows a track like "Breakout" to be a feature for shredding and skin pounding. There's no real song here, just some progressions to hang chops on. But it's a thrill ride nonetheless. And "Something Moved" actually has the kind of energy that calls to mind the better days of Def Leppard, which is also evident on the sludge-glam "We Got Your Rock". Elsewhere songs like "Into the Night" are so imbued with 80s compression and keyboards that they sound hackneyed and cliche now, if they didn't back then. And I'm sure they did in 87 as well.
"Calling to You" is obviously designed to be a hit single and it's not bad. By the end of the 80s this sound was dying. For what it is it's pretty good and I could see cruising around on a Saturday night blasting this song on the way to the beach. It's the theme for "Jersey Shore" if that show was produced 25 years ago.
The only weird experiment that almost succeeds but doesn't quite is the bizarre "Dolls". It's a combination subject matter, approach and production that make it interesting to listen to while repelling at the same time. Occasionally Kiss would employ strange production tics that came out of left field, in this case it's the children singing the chorus that threatens to take the song into horror show idiom but just comes off more as oddly perverse.
Frehley's Comet isn't as good as "Ace Frehley". I'm not sure what went wrong, perhaps on that solo disc Ace was trying to preove himself to the other guys and this time out he's got to prove himself to the world. He ends up trying to make a sellable product that comes off as boring and rote.

Grade: B-
ASide: Rock Soldiers, We Got Your Rock, Calling to You
BlindSide: Breakout, Something Moved
DownSide: Into the Night, Love Me Right

Kissening Post: Kiss - Sonic Boom

Kiss - Sonic Boom - 2009

Oh, Kiss, how long has it been? 10 years? 11? Really? Wow.
11 years after the "reunion" album, Psycho Circus, Kiss is back with the Big Box Wal-Mart retailer album, Sonic Boom.
Big crunchy guitars, anthem choruses, it's all there. Gone are the days of chasing the latest sound. Probably because the latest sound is Indie Rock and Dance Pop. I don't think the 59 year old S&S are up to that. And they know what their fans want. They want Rawk!
So, the boys bring the rawk. 42 minutes of Glam Metal Rawk.
For the most part, Sonic Boom brings it. It's pretty straight forward. The song, "Never Enough" dances so close to Poison's "Nuthin' but a Good Time" that it's dangerous but it never teeters. It's it's own track.
Paul took over the producing duties and crank out a record that sounds more like what 70s Kiss would sound like produced in 2009. I'd stack a lot of this record up next to, say, Love Gun, anyday.
The boys sound like they're having a good time. Not as angry as on Revenge. There's no nu-metal. It's not as dark as Creatures. Or misguided as....AsylumCrazyNightsTheElderCarnivalofSoulsHotintheShade.....
"Stand" is as good as any anthem they've done and I prefer it to much of what has passed for Kiss lo the past 10 records. While "Hot and Cold" sounds like the stepchild of "Domino" and is nowhere near that song. It's more Gene. More Ego. Blurg. But it's catchy as hell by the end.
For all of you who have been begging and pleading for the day when Eric Singer, number 4 (I think) in a long list of Kiss drummers, to sing your day has come!!!!
He sings the generic anthem "All for the Glory" in a generic rock way. Innocuous. Doesn't embarrass himself.
I can do without the sludge metal of "I'm an Animal", it's bored and boring.
And if, like me, you've been waiting for almost 20 years for Ace Frehley replacement and wearer of the Spaceman makeup Tommy Thayer to make HIS vocal contribution to the Kiss oeuvre, your wait is over! "When Lightning Strikes". Anonymous rock. But nothing to be ashamed of. There was worse filler on some of those classic Kiss records.
The last song, "Say Yeah" is a great way to go out. Ready made for the stadium. (it sounds like something, though, I can't place it.....oh, yeah! Tommy Tu-tone's 867-5309. But that's okay. Bruce ripped that off with Radio Nowhere a couple years ago. Can't keep a good riff down)

Buy it at Amazon

Grade: B
ASide: Modern Day Delilah, Stand, Say Yeah
BlindSide: Never Enough, Yes I Know (Nobody's Perfect), Danger Us
DownSide: I'm an Animal

Kissening Post: Kiss - Kiss Symphony Alive IV

Kiss - Kiss Symphony Alive IV - 2003

You really gotta be Kiss fan to buy all this stuff, right? I mean, how many live albums does one band need? This is their 5th! Not only that, but it's not really Alive IV because THAT was included on the Box Set only renamed The Millennium Concert.
This was a one off with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra. (Queen was covered by the London Symphony 25 years earlier and the band didn't even play with them)
By now, Ace was gone (Again) replaced by Tommy Thayer (again) but Peter Criss stuck around. A paycheck's a paycheck, even if you have to put up with Gene Simmons
This album is broken up into three sections. And that's how we'll listen to them.

The First Act is Kiss by themselves. Simmons, Stanley, Criss and...Thayer.
Oh, this is just a mess. Without Ace Thayer just shreds his way through Deuce's solo and the band just sounds like they can't wait to get backstage for the Shrimps and Shrimping.
At some point I decided to stop listening and watch the concert on YouTube. I do not recommend this. The director follows a similar style that was all the rage in the early 90s of switching cameras so fast that it's impossible to catch any image and feel like you are part of the concert. It's almost as though the show as televised is designed to induce a stroke.
All of the songs on this section of the concert have appeared in previous Alive records. They certainly don't expose themselves any differently or interestingly. The sole new addition to this grouping is "Psycho Circus" which never really needed to be heard live.

The Second Act is Kiss plus the Melbourne Symphony in a more acoustic oriented setting.
Think Unplugged with more strings. And all of those musicians are wearing tuxedos and kabuki makeup.
It's very appropriate that we start off the cheese with "Beth". I really love hearing it performed as close to the studio version. And Criss sounds fine even though he can't hit any of the high notes any more.
It's pretty insulting that Paul comes out immediately after to sing the crapfest "Forever" by saying, "this is where the fun starts." What a jerk. He redeems himself a song later by suggesting that they might plays something from The Elder.
Ultimately, the songs don't benefit from the orchestra. Unless you really always wanted to hear "Shandi" in concert. With French Horns.
I didn't. But I did. For you.

Act Three is where the action really happens. To see a full orchestra playing amidst the explosions of Detroit Rock City is something. And sounds....well, it WAS from Destroyer, their most experimentally theatrical album. So it works.
Of course, what everyone wants from a Kiss concert is a set of these songs. Early Kiss. Heyday Kiss. King of the Night Time World, Shout it Out Loud, God of Thunder, Do You Love Me, Kiss. The orchestra does nothing to enhance these songs and Ace is sorely missing. The atrocious bass solo on the dvd version of God of Thunder makes me wish I had never undertaken this Listening Post. On the CD it's half the length.
There is something SOOOOOO wrong about having a children's choir sing along to "Great Expectations". Yeah, I know it spounds right. But it's about fucking a groupie. So, it's beyond inappropriate.
But Black Diamond is still cool as shit.

Symphony: Alive IV - Kiss

Grade: C

Kissening Post: Kiss - Psycho Circus

Kiss - Psycho Circus 1998

Reunited.
Repainted.
Kiss.
Opening with the obviously concert ready anthem, "Psycho Circus", all four members of Kiss got back together, put the paint back on came in from the VERY successful tour and put out this album.
It should be noted that, according to Wikipedia, most of the lead guitar tracks were played by (future full time Kiss Guitarist) Tommy Thayer. And that Criss only played on one song himself, replaced by Kevin Valentine.
I don't doubt it. Kiss was never above putting Ace or Pete's face on records to give the impression of being the original band and paying them a fee. "Into the Void" written by Ace is the only track that the full lineup plays on and that song suffers from over production and clumsy, knucklehead production and playing.
I can't blame them for taking the cash. Of course, that meant their days were numbered.
So, the fun early sound that I was hoping for from the classic lineup is nowhere to be found. Instead this album sounds more like the previous grunge metal coupled with Marilyn Manson, just the name of the band, the makeup but nothing for the older fan.
Most of the songs fall flat. Uninspired anthems like "I Pledge Allegiance to Rock and Roll" are too aggro rock to engender any real interest beyond headbangers looking for extreme guitars.
"We Are One" is one of the most embarrassing turds ever to come from the pen of Gene Simmons.And that's saying something b it's not as bad as the "i've lived a long time" faux ballad from Paul, "I Finally Found My Way".
"You Wanted the Best" is the kind of made-for-fanthem that I expect. It's kind of different only that the vocal trade-offs between Gene and Paul are something that call to mind, "Shout it Out Lod" from Destroyer. It's a fun tune. Forgettable but fun. I actually prefer "Raise Your Glasses" as far as anthems go.

Psycho Circus - Kiss

Grade: C-
ASide: Psycho Circus
BlindSide: Into the Void, You Wanted the Best, Raise Your Glasses
DownSide: Within, We Are One, I Finally Found My Way

Kissening Post: Kiss - Carnival of Souls

Kiss - Carnival of Souls - 1997

Here's what this record is. In 1995 or so Kiss went in to the studio and recorded a bunch of songs that sounded like "the sound of the day", meaning Soundgarden & Alice in Chains. Somewhere along the lines the idea hit Gene and Paul to reunite with Ace and Peter. That concept represented a much bigger cash opportunity. So they fired Kulick and Singer and shelved the tracks.
But the songs got out. Kiss fans started trading them. Not wanting to miss ANY cash op, S&S put out a formal release. And the result is this album.
So, what does it sound like?
If you LOVE Soundgarden and Alice in Chains but are bored by all the albums you've already heard and you don't mind a sound alike, then this record is for you.
I do not like AiC. Or SG. Their music actually makes me a little nauseous. So, this record makes me feel a little queasy. It's got that bass-driven sound that is all minor and sad and epic and...blech.
So, I can't even recommend any tracks because it all sounds the same to me.
You don't believe me? Listen for yourself.
I'm movin' on. I listened so you didn't have to.

Carnival Of Souls - Kiss

Grade: As an Alice in Chains ripoff: B-
As a Kiss album: D

Kissening Post: Kiss - MTV Unplugged

Kiss - MTV Unplugged - 1996

Kiss lay fallow for a while after Alive III. When they decided it was time to reunite with the original members they appeared on MTV's Unplugged, a show I loved and truly miss. Unplugged was a show that seemed to really celebrate music. Sure, it did it all under the conceit of stripping the music down to it's core but the show really got stuff out there, refreshed, revitalized, exciting.
Kiss's entry is no exception.
Songs like Goin' Blind, Comin Home, Plaster Caster, Rock Bottom, all of these songs which, for me, got lost in the makeup are actually quite great. The guys sound like they are having a blast. And the later stuff, like Domino and Sure know something sound inspired. They don't carry that 80s sheen and stigma with them. In fact, they make me like Kiss even more. Go figger.
Lala has no link to this record. But, if you want a good Kiss live record. If you want to fall in love with the band again. This is the record to hear.

Grade A

Kissening Post: Kiss - Alive III

Kiss - Alive III - 1993

Oh, Kiss. You masters of irony.
The first two "Alive" records served an interesting purpose. Especially the first one. Alive was the album that pushed the band out into the mainstream consciousness. (This is the last time I will mention the augmentation on any live Kiss record, that should be taken for granted by now).
Even Alive II helped increase the band's market share. They were Live albums that fulfilled the only hinted at promise of the studio records.
Alive III is a different animal. Completely inverted to those predecessors. Mostly comprised of 80s hair metal Kiss songs, from Lick it Up to Unholy to I just Wanna to Creatures of the Night. The album serves more as a "best of" that era than anything else. In fact THOSE songs, the latter day uber-metal tracks sound better in the studio. The live versions do nothing to enhance their appeal. And when, halfway through, the band breaks into "Rock and Roll All Night....." all that song does is serve to remind us of the Kiss we loved when placed next to the Kiss that was discovered by the next generation. The Kiss of hard Metal. Revenge era Kiss.
In short, there is absolutely no reason to ever hear live versions of these songs. This album is completely unnecessary. Although it does make me think that Kiss concerts are probably fun. If not...enhanced. (Dammit!)

Alive III - Kiss

Grade C+

Kissening Post: Kiss - Revenge

Kiss - Revenge - 1992

The drummer died. On the same day as Freddie Mercury. You think anyone noticed? Was there an internationally televised concert for Eric Carr? The one-time foxman? No. But I've always remember that day because a LOT of people on Prodigy made sure that Queen fans knew that there wasn't only ONE rock star to die that day...
So, Kiss took THREE years off before they came out with a new album. Revenge was their return to form. The big one. They brought back Bob Ezrin, the producer of their smash, Destroyer. But, we must remember, Ezrin was also the producer on Music from The Elderberries. Bruce Kulick was still the guitarist of record but Vinny Vincent gets co-authorship of THREE tracks.
What is Revenge like?
The first thing I noticed, well, not the first, it took me until the 2nd song to really get it, was that I was uncontrollably tapping my feet and raising the volume level on the ipod to the maximum on this album.
"Unholy" reminded me of Priest and the follow up, the sleazy paean to strippers, "Take it Off" reminded me of Crue. That's what a lot of Revenge sounds like. Motley Priest. Painkiller era Priest. And post-Vince Neil Crue. But still, the sound is there.
The guest co-writers are back, some of them new, some old. Some very old. I'm talking Russ Ballard. Yes. Russ Ballard. The guy who wrote New York Groove that appeared on Ace's 1978 solo record. He's one of the four people credited with "God Gave Rock n Roll To You II", a reworking of an old Argent (Ballard's early 70s band) song. How is it? Like a Mott the Hoople song was run through some time warp, squeezed into a 90s sound spectrum and was shat out as a mega-anthem. Then it breaks down into some Beatles flower pop before it comes back like a Judas Priest avalanche. I don't think Kiss has sounded this cool since Love Gun.
And then there's "Domino". Big, thumpin' bass, Simmons finally sounding like the demon he has been promising to be since God of Thunder.

Even the clunkers, like "Spit", don't totally fail. Because there is just enough subterranean quasi-blues to keep it afloat.
But "Heart of Chrome" sounds way too much like Dr. Feelgood for my comfort. "Every Time I Look At You" is another attempt at balladry, with it's sweeping acousting flourishes and piano and strings. One of the biggest issues I have with this kind of sludge isn't that it's so cloying or obvious. It's that Stanley's voice is at its most bare. It's not hidden behind a wash of guitars. So, all I can hear is that he's a terrible vocalist. There's a little lisp in there, that very fey quality that doesn't really work (for me) and he spends so much time trying to sound earnest that he comes out sounding inauthentic. And the song drips with cheese.But it doesn't suck. That must be noted.
Revenge is a solid record. It could be shorter, but that goes without saying in the era of the CD.

Revenge - Kiss

Grade B
ASIde: Unholy, God Gave Rock and Roll To You II, Domino
BlindSide: Take it off, Tough Love, I Just Wanna
DownSide: Heart of Chrome

Kissening Post: Kiss - Hot in the Shade

Kiss - Hot in the Shade - 1989

In the 70s Kiss put out an album a year, sometimes 2, and each one ran about 30 minutes. Cut to the CD era, where the silver pieces of plastic that saved the record industry could hold over 70 minutes of songs. Kiss finally got with that program and believed the perception that buyers would balk at the prospect of spending $18 for 35 minutes of music. After all, that's what the industry had decided was the norm. Higher prices for this long lasting, never scratching hardware.
So, instead of one 35 minute collection of self-referential, self-loving, cock rock, we got a full hour.
I wonder if there's any filler on it......
Most Kiss albums open with some Paul Stanley rocker. Radio friendly. Much of them singles. Some of them not. This is no exception. But the acoustic guitar threw me. For a second I thought it might be something different. It's not. It's just big, anthemic hair metal, the sound of the day. And I think once you settle in to that idea, that this is where we are now, late 80s, grunge around the corner, Cinderella, Ratt, GnR, Poison, etc, ruling the radio, it becomes easier to swallow the bile.
I have no idea what to make of the Ah ah ah's, doo doo doos of "Hide Your Heart". This is Stanley and Child at their worst, aping Bon Jovi at THEIR worst. This continues with "Prisoner of Love" only it sounds like Michael Bolton fronting Bon Jovi for a while. And that's not a good thing. Why did I bring up Bolton? Because he co-wrote a song on this record! The monster ballad hit, "Forever". Opening with the standard issue acoustic sound reminiscent of "Mr. Big", the track builds into a chorus that would make "The Flame" run away and hide in inadequacy.

Weirdly, Simmons is the one who comes off as the most melodic on this spin. Begging the thought that he had nothing to do with the songs he "co-wrote" and just took a writing credit. Sorry, but, after listening to 11 Kiss albums in a row I have a LOT of trouble believing otherwise.
Oh, and Stanley's "Read my Body" is so much of a rip of "Pour Some Sugar On Me" that the band should be ashamed. But Eric Carr does sing one song before he succumbed to cancer and while it isn't any good, he doesn't ruin it with his vocals.

Hot In The Shade - Kiss

Grade: D
ASide: Rise to It
BlindSide: Love is a Slap in the Face
DownSide: Read My Body, Cadillac Dreams, You Love Me To Hate You

Kissening Post: Kiss - Crazy Nights

Kiss - Crazy Nights - 1987

Taking two years off from releasing a studio album for the first time in their 13 year career, (probably due to Gene's burgeoning film career), Kiss returns with a new album built for the 80s excess. Filled with pandering Pop Metal, crappy cover art and big, bloated sounds that manage to rip off everyone from Def Leppard to Bon Jovi, 1987 Kiss gave us "Crazy Nights".
You know that song. "Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights!" Anthem pop at it's most indulgent. And that's the high point.
1. Crazy Nights Devoid of any reason except to give lunkheads in Fargo, ND something to chant back to the stage. And the dumb faux crowd shouting of Paul Stanley is really poorly conceived.
2. I'll fight Hell to Hold You - This sounds like second rate John Parr. If you can imagine.
3. Bang Bang You Def Leppard should have sued. Come to think of it, so should the Kiss Army.
4. No No No Eddie Van Halen should have sued. If not for the tapping theft, this could have been a good song. Wait, not really.
5. Hell or High Water You know, I think Gene is the one who comes out sounding the best on this spinner. Surely, it's faceless and generic but it's also inoffensive and innocuous. Actually not a bad listen. Or maybe the record is wearing me down.
6. My Way 80s synth keyboards!?!?! WTF? Is this a song that didn't make it on to the St. Elmo's Fire soundtrack?? Oh, it's terrible. You need to hear it to know just how far the glam metal darlings of the 70s have fallen into pander-osity.
7. When Your Walls Come Down I kind of like this song's chorus and the big blandness of the whole thing. But it does sound like every. other. metal. song. ever. written.
8. Reason to Live Hey, Cheap Trick! You weren't the only band putting out cheesetastic ballads in the late 80s! Except I don't think theirs sounded SO much like Foreigner. And John Parr. This is what Aerosmith would sound like a decade later.
9. Good Girl Gone Bad Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............
10. Turn on the Night What? Diane Warren??????? Paul Stanley co-wrote a song with Diane Warren!?!?!?!? And it's not a ballad! I think...yes, I'm pretty sure, it's the only "good" song on the album. (This song, Crazy Nights, Thief in the Night...what's with all the nocturnal themes, guys?)
11. Thief in the Night - Mindless

Like AC/DC before them, Kiss proves that it's really freaking hard to pump out relevant records year after year. And the pap that they did churn out is almost unlistenable.
They would take another 2 year break before they foisted something us on the public.

Crazy Nights - Kiss

Grade D
ASide: Crazy Nights, Turn on the Night
BlindSide: Hell or High Water,
DownSide: Bang Bang You, My Way

Kissening Post: Kiss - Asylum

Kiss - Asylum - 1985

It's been a long time coming. The only year that Kiss didn't put out an "official" album (or two) was 1978 and that was the year of the FOUR solo records.
That's a lot of music. some of it fun, a lot of it great, much of it bad.
By 1985 the Simmons/Stanley trust had jettisoned yet another guitarist and brought in ol' buddy, Bruce Kulick. The Kiss Corporation had finally found a team that they could rely on for at least another 6 years.
So, they put out yet another record, because a year without a Kiss record is like a Leap Year. You're not a peddler without something to peddle.
And that's why the world had to endure "Asylum".
Oh, the echo on those drums...so 80s. You know the sound. It's like everyone was trying to make the records sound like they were recorded in massive arena. It's so endemic of the times. And that wouldn't be what makes this record fail. It's that there are no songs to back them up. There's virtually no structure to a track like "King of the Mountain". Besides being about nothing except a self-extolling shout from the...well, the mountain and an excuse for Kulick to move his fingers really fast along the fretboard, there's nothing to hold on to.
The only thing even remotely resembling a Kiss song, or a song, for that matter, is the single "Tears are Falling". But that's even more generic than any other single the band had ever put out before.
It isn't that Asylum is bad. It is. It's like somebody listened to a LOT of Metallica and Megadeth and decided to just copy that sound. Trouble is, that's not what I want from Kiss. It's not what Kiss wants from Kiss. It's proficient but without any personality. It's like someone grafted Van Halen to Megadeth and took away any original ideas or subject matter.
It's a coaster.

Asylum - Kiss

Grade: D
ASide: Tears are Falling
BlindSide: ----
DownSide: too many to mention by name

Kissening Post: Kiss - Animalize

Kiss - Animalize - 1984

So, there seems to be a pattern with Kiss. They do their own thing, gain popularity, establish market share, sell records, go back in the studio and come out with a watered down version of their successful sound, alienating core fans and drilling their own relevance into the ground. Have I got that about right?
After the comeback heaviness of the last two albums Kiss jettisoned Vinnie Vincent, took on Mark St. John as guitarist, teamed up with Desmond Child (again) and came up with a glossy version of their own sound. The same way Bon Jovi did years later.
Now, if you dig deep enough on this blog you will find reviews of all the Bon Jovi records. And what I learned about Bon Jovi is that they copy whatever sound is popular at the time, put out a record like that and go on tour. Usually 90% of the record is useless and the singles are great. (To me, at least)
Kiss basically created that path.
On Animalize, everything starts off just fine. "I've Had Enough (Into The Fire" is a tight lead off track and "Heaven's On Fire" is as radio friendly as they've ever sounded.
Then again, there's obnoxious, adolescent crapola like "Burn, Witch, Burn" and "Lonely is the Hunter", songs that, I am sure, Gene is writing in his sleep.
Before long the entire experience slides into generic metal sounds committed to some sort of plastic merchandising device (lp, cd, cassette) and just sounds tired.
There are high points, "Under the Gun" for example, which seems to be infused with some sort of vitality sorely lacking on the rest of the record, with Mark St. John shredding unlike any other guitarist on any previous Kiss record.
But ultimately Animalize is an uneventful, metal-by-numbers, relic of a time best left unremembered.

Animalize - Kiss

Grade: C-
ASide: Heaven's on Fire
BlindSide: I've had Enough (Into the Fire), Under the Gun
DownSide: Burn Witch Burn, Lonely is the Hunter

Kissening Post: Kiss - Lick It Up

Now, them's some handsome rockers, yes? Hello? Anyone?




Kiss - Lick It Up - 1983

So, realizing that the gimmick had come to an end (it had) and that it was time to let the music speak for itself as it had on Creatures of the Night (it did), Kiss took off the Kabuki paint and put out another scorcher, playing directly to the metal fans they courted on the previous album as they continued the Mea Culpa for The Elder.
Lick it Up isn't as pounding as Creatures, it doesn't bore it's way into your brain and make you spontaneously whiplash your head. But, that said, it's pretty committed to it's genre. Vinnie Vincent is possessed with a singularly manic and forward thinking style that he's pretty hard to deny. He's a very different guitarist than Ace but he really makes his presence known.
The track, "All Hell's Breakin Loose" is actually one of the first Rap Rock tracks and it's...not bad. "Fits Like a Glove" could be one of my favorite Kiss records. And it's by Gene of all people. Of course, he's describing sex as "like a hot knife in butter", but still, the song is pretty driving.
Lick it Up was something of a comeback for Kiss. Lots of publicity for taking off the makeup. And they didn't choke. It's a solid, if somewhat generic, 80s metal record.

Lick It Up - Kiss

Grade B
A Side: Exciter, Lick It Up
BlindSide:All Hell's Breaking Loose, A Million to One, Fits Like A Glove
DownSide: Young & Wasted

Kissening Post: Kiss - Creatures of the Night

19 studio albums. 4 "Alive" albums. 1 Unplugged album. 4 Solos. 28 freaking albums in this band's catalog. I've done 16 of them. Sometimes I even impress myself.



Kiss - Creatures of the Night - 1982

(Incidentally, this is the 10th Studio album by Kiss and there are 9 more to go. Which means that Creatures of the Night falls directly in the middle of their catalog. Not including live albums and solos)

Fresh from the Hell they created the year before Kiss jumped back in the studio and pumped out this record where they actually co-wrote a song with Bryan Adams!
From the first head pounding beat of the title track I can tell this is not going to be anything like the last record. It's bold, aggressive, catchy and assaultive.
Vincent Cusano (Vinnie Vincent), the replacement for the newly departed and viciously alcoholic Ace Frehley is something of a tonic for the band. As is Eric Carr. Who is more of a classic metal drummer than Anton Fig and less apprehensive than Peter Criss was.
This is the early 80s. This is the era of Metal Sheen. Def Leppard, Robert John "Mutt" Lange. Big anthem rock is back but the recording studios can handle it. And this record brings it...loud.
Whatever Kiss sounded like in their heyday, appropriating glam, metal, 50s rock, power pop, is nowhere to be found on CotN.
The band sounds revitalized and energetic. And they FINALLY hit on a worthy Stadium Anthem sequel to "Rock and Roll All Night" in "I Love It Loud". I even like the desperation and ferocity on the power ballad, "I Still Love You".
This is all Power Metal. If you like that early 80s ear piercing sound, this is for you.

Creatures Of The Night - Kiss

Grade B+
ASide: Creatures of the Night, I Love it Loud
BlindSide: Saint and Sinner, Keep Me Comin', Danger, I Still Love You
DownSide: Killer

Kissening Post: Kiss - Music from "The Elder"

Kiss - Music from "The Elder" - 1981

Kiss imagined a future for this concept. But, like their tv movie or the solo albums, this idea would fall flat on its face. One gimmick, I think, is sufficient. Kabuki paint. That should have been enough, right? Glam rockers dress in whiteface, don costumes, write big dumb rock songs, get laid a lot. Dayenu.
The band envisioned a movie for The Elder, hence the "music from...". They envisioned a sequel record.
They didn't envision a bomb.
After this Ace Frehley would call it quits and leave the band. How bad is it?

From a far off galaxy
I hear you calling me
We are on an odyssey
Through the realms of time and space
In that enchanted place
You and I come face to face
[Chorus]
Once upon not yet
Long ago someday
Countless times we've met, met along the way

Yeah. That's the opening lyrics from Odyssey. What Kiss is doing making "music" like this to full symphonic orchestrations is anybody's guess. Yes, I know what they were attempting to do, I just can't imagine anyone sitting in the booth and saying, "THAT'S IT!"
This has GOT to be the album that sparked the idea for Spinal Tap. It's.....crazy. It's unlike anything I have ever heard. I could spend the rest of this blog's life evaluating, deconstructing and analyzing the horror/genius of "Odyssey". I wished it would never end while thanking God that I would never have to hear it again. The way this album got pushed through as a concept is that Peter Criss had been formally kicked out of the band after the last album. An album he barely played on. That left only 3 voting members of the band in Simmons, Stanley and Frehley. Eric Carr was a hired hand. So, even though Carr thought this was a bad idea, he had no vote. And Frehley was the lone no vote on the concept. So, he was constantly outvoted by the little-brain trust of S&S. And, with that marginalization, the world was given "Music from 'The Elder'".

Oh, yeah. There's a story on this album. It's a true concept album from start to finish.
From Wikipedia: the basic plot of Music from "The Elder" involves the recruitment and training of a young hero (The Boy) by the Council of Elders who belong to the Order of the Rose, a mysterious group dedicated to combating evil. The Boy is guided by an elderly caretaker named Morpheus. The album's lyrics describe the boy's feelings during his journey and training, as he overcomes his early doubts to become confident and self-assured. The only spoken dialogue is at the end of the last track, "I." During the passage, Morpheus proclaims to the Elders that The Boy is ready to undertake his odyssey."


Here are some quotes also from Wikipedia:
"I go on record saying it's not a great Kiss record but I think it's a really great record." – Paul Stanley, 1996
"As a Kiss record I'd give it a zero. As a bad Genesis record, I'd give it a two." – Gene Simmons, 2003

I'm not going to go on too much more about this destined for the cutout bin exercise in excess. I listened to it so you didn't have to.
I will say this: The production values are top-notch. All the instruments are in tune. And the earnestness on "World Without Heroes", the single from the record, is so cloyingly obnoxious that, and I never thought this was possible, I hate Gene Simmons more than before.
And why is this imagined multi-media project be called "The Elder"? Sure, Morpheus is The Boy's mentor but it's all from the perspective of the boy and his journey. Shouldn't it have been called, "Under the Rose"? Or "Steaming piece of shit"? That would have worked, too.
Why am I still talking about this record????
(Oh, "The Oath" kind of kicks ass a little and the instrumental by Frehley, "Escape from the Island" is pretty tight)
Still, to the point, I have included the Lala stream. I dare you. Look, don't just take my word for it. Listen to "Under the Rose". You will thank me. And by thank me I mean never read my blog again.

Music From "The Elder" - Kiss

Grade: F (I would have given it a D but just listen to the last 30 seconds of "I" and you will know why I didn't)
ASide: The Oath
BlindSide: Just a Boy
DownSide: Odyssey. Under the Rose, Mr. Blackwell

Kissening Post: Kiss - Unmasked

Kiss - Unmasked - 1980

Don't mistake the title, THIS is the true Kiss. Unmasked, honest, true to themselves--

Okay, I can't.

This is just a bad record. I'm not quite done with it. So, I'll be back in a bit. But, from what I've heard there's nothing good on this platter.

Hang on--

What the fuck is a Shandi? Yeah, I know it was a hit but it sucks.

Ace comes off okay with the uber-poppy "Talk to Me" & "Two Sides of the Coin", he's not breaking any ground but he's also not embarrassing himself. "Torpedo Girl" continues his groove-tastic bassline affinity. It wants to be "New York Groove Part 2" but it's kind of a dud.

Gene is as boring and self-aggrandizing as ever (even though "She's So European isn't terrible). Paul is still carrying the big power pop torch, scoring with the hooky "Tomorrow" and the blandly (but very 80s) "Easy as it Seems". But, the whole affair is so bereft of ideas. At this point since making a album is like a license to print money for these guys, the least amount of energy they expend, the better. These are bloated millionaires with little or nothing left to say.
I wonder how they will reinspire themselves...You know what would be good for them? A concept album. That would probably do the trick.

Unmasked - Kiss

Grade C
ASide: Tomorrow
BlindSide: Talk to Me, She's so European
DownSide: Naked City

Kissening Post: Kiss - Dynasty

Kiss - Dynasty - 1979

So, lemme get this straight. One year after the infamous Comiskey Park immolation of Disco Records, where dance artists had to lay fallow until their messiah (Michael Jackson) resurrected them, Kiss, dirty Kiss, Knights in the Service of Satan (apocryphal legend), Gods of Thunder, who wanted to Rock and Roll all night and Party all the time, opened their first post solo debacle record with a disco track?
"I was made for Loving you"?
And somehow made that a hit!?!?
Crazy.
I actually like that song. Yeah, I know. Heresey.
And I really REALLY wish the Jagger/Richards cover of "2000 Man" was included instead on Ace's solo record, instead of here. It's great. Actually, Ace is all over this record, unlike Peter Criss, who was excluded from the recording process. (Fucked up, car accident, name something.)
The new drummer, Letterman's Anton Fig, is a different kind of percussionist. He's got a driving rhythm and kick drum power that Criss has never demonstrated, for whatever reason. That elevates the sound of this album to more of a powerhouse and, consequently, more danceable. The first half of this record never seems to recover from that opening track. I'm not complaining, though. I kind of like it better. When the chorus comes back in during "Sure Know Something" I'm reminded that Kiss is, above all things, a Power Pop band.
Criss tries to redeem himself with "Dirty Livin'", the only song he plays drums on and sings but it's a low point on what has, to this point, been a very assured and slick record.
I don't really know what to make of a song like "Magic Touch". I mean, I get the song. Chick makes you hard, right Paul? But it just sounds like 80s Cinderella metal that some points need to be given for the fact that it predates that shit by about 5 years.
Wikipedia makes a point that, for the first time ever, Ace Frehley's contributions (3 songs) outnumber Gene's (2 songs). Now, one is a cover, yes. But Gene has to answer for "Charisma", another song about how great he is. And I'll take Ace's "Hard Times" over just about anything Gene has committed to vinyl. It's harder and more aggressive than most anything the band has written in a while. Not the lyrics, those are weak. No, I'm talking about the musicianship. It's actually quite impressive. I didn't think these guys were capable of backbeats and off-tempo rhythms.
Gene tries to show what he's capable of by squeezing X-Ray Eyes in between the Ace tracks. It's not bad. Not good. It's the kind of thing I would expect at the end of a record. But, when you only have to come up with one or two tracks per record (this was a problem I had with later Queen), couldn't you really work that song and make it something special? Didn't think so. But Ace gets the last word with "Save Your Love". It isn't any good, but it's as good or better than Gene's stuff.
This could be why the writing was on the wall for Ace.....

Dynasty - Kiss

Grade C
A Side: I was Made For Loving You, Sure Know Something
BlindSide: 2000 Man
DownSide: Dirty Livin', Charisma, Magic Touch